First off, I must say that if I were 10 years old, this would probably be the most awesome thing on the planet. Big (and shiny) toys, ninjas, explosions, Sienna Miller...
I really believe that there may have been a solid 45 minute film hidden within those two hours...
however...
G.I.JOE isn't so much a movie, but moreso a series of incessant action sequences strung together. The idea is to basically take the hodgepodge of everything that works in the frame of an action film (or summer blockbuster) and throw it at the screen for the complete running time. The movie just didn't want to stop dancing for you. If you put any thought into what is bombarding you on the screen, you will find that past the kitchen sink, there ain't much else...
Forgetting a film like this is just about as easy as recalling the differences (or even the events) between studio outings such as the Star Wars prequels, the Transformers series, and any other set of films that the major studios have been desperately churning out and trying to turn into franchises.
The characters (if you can call them that) in the film barely have enough room to resemble the barest of archetypes. You can replace Duke (Tatum) with a more able Luke Skywalker, Ripcord (Wayans) with a Jar Jar Binks, Destro (McCullen) with Darth Vader and so on and so forth.
Does this mean that I hated G.I.JOE the movie?
I can't say that I did, but I can't quite say that I liked it. I might be able to tell you (and stop me if you've heard this one before) is that the movie was about a rich bad guy who wanted to have more control over the world and a ragtag group of heroes (from various places because that makes them more accessible) who had to stop them...there were also ninjas...and Sienna Miller...
Sooooo, turn off your brain, chew on your popcorn, and just enjoy the shiny pretty things and you may stand a chance...possibly...
Long live Snake-Eyes!
I really believe that there may have been a solid 45 minute film hidden within those two hours...
however...
G.I.JOE isn't so much a movie, but moreso a series of incessant action sequences strung together. The idea is to basically take the hodgepodge of everything that works in the frame of an action film (or summer blockbuster) and throw it at the screen for the complete running time. The movie just didn't want to stop dancing for you. If you put any thought into what is bombarding you on the screen, you will find that past the kitchen sink, there ain't much else...
Forgetting a film like this is just about as easy as recalling the differences (or even the events) between studio outings such as the Star Wars prequels, the Transformers series, and any other set of films that the major studios have been desperately churning out and trying to turn into franchises.
The characters (if you can call them that) in the film barely have enough room to resemble the barest of archetypes. You can replace Duke (Tatum) with a more able Luke Skywalker, Ripcord (Wayans) with a Jar Jar Binks, Destro (McCullen) with Darth Vader and so on and so forth.
Does this mean that I hated G.I.JOE the movie?
I can't say that I did, but I can't quite say that I liked it. I might be able to tell you (and stop me if you've heard this one before) is that the movie was about a rich bad guy who wanted to have more control over the world and a ragtag group of heroes (from various places because that makes them more accessible) who had to stop them...there were also ninjas...and Sienna Miller...
Sooooo, turn off your brain, chew on your popcorn, and just enjoy the shiny pretty things and you may stand a chance...possibly...
Long live Snake-Eyes!
Ridiculous writing, weak performances, and uninteresting action with poor visual effects dash any hope of a fun, popcorn flick. Bleh...
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